WHERE'S MY FAITH

 MY TESTIMONY OF GOD'S FAITHFULNESS

IS OUR FAITH VISIBLE TO OTHERS?

Acts 14:8-10 And in Lystra a certain man without strength in his feet was sitting, a cripple from his mother's womb, who had never walked. This man heard Paul speaking, Paul, observing him intently and seeing that he had faith to be healed, said in a loud voice, "Stand up straight on your feet!" And he leaped and walked.

Did you catch it "Paul saw he had faith to be healed", was there something in this man's countenance that revealed his faith, or was this a word of knowledge that God gave Paul at that moment. The scripture doesn't tell us, yet, as I read this account I see both, God knew this man's heart was full of faith, notice the man never asked to be healed, yet, he had faith to believe he could be healed. And as Paul looked at him, God gave Paul the gift to see what He saw.

Mark 2:5 When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven you."

The account of the four friends who removed a portion of a roof to lower their friend down to Jesus. When Jesus looked up He looked into the faces of his four friends and it is recorded "He saw their faith".

Over and over again, Jesus would use these words when speaking about faith, No Faith, Little Faith, Some Faith, Great Faith. What kind of faith do any of us desire? And over and over again, "Your faith has made you whole", "Your faith has healed you", and then Jesus said to the man "Do you believe?" And the man answered "I believe, help my unbelief" and Jesus healed his child. We are also told we are to live by faith, we walk by faith. And Jesus said these words "When the Son of Man returns will He find faith on earth"? What is faith? Hebrews gives us a definition

Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Jesus Christ is the "substance" we put all our faith in. We surrender ALL of ourselves to His Lordship and we trust in Him and His promises He has declared in His word, that tells us no matter what lays ahead that we cannot see, we have this "evidence", Jesus is with us and He has a good plan for our lives, with peace and a hope for our future. All of the things I have written, are only the backdrop for my testimony of God's faithfulness, though I do not understand, this I know my God is Sovereign, always with me and fighting for me. 

WHAT IS GREAT FAITH?

Approximately 8 years ago I made this statement "I want great faith"! It wasn't too long after that I heard my pastor say in a message something like this, "Do you know what it means to have great faith"? "It is through the greatest difficulties in life that our faith grows to a great faith". (Me saying today 2022, great faith will take us through great storms and great battles),  but approximately 8 years ago I was just about to enter, a season of learning that I never expected. And yet, today I continue to say, "I believe help my unbelief". So my friends I have not obtained great faith, but my faith says "God You are able and Your grace is sufficient". Now lets move on.

GOD KEPT ME! 

A short time before I made this statement, I began having swelling in my legs, difficulty in breathing, couldn't do as I once did. At first my doctor thought it was my heart, apparently I didn't do well on the treadmill, but they would soon discover my heart was not the issue. Something was growing in my lungs, it began in the lower right lobe. With tests and a pulmonary doctor, they said I had "Pulmonary Fibrosis", that had a life expectancy of 5 years. So I began to pray and my church prayed with me for healing, in 2015 I heard God say "You will not have a premature death"; yet, it continued to grow covering both lungs. In 2018 my pulmonary doctor couldn't understand why I was still alive and why the scarring on my lungs had not honeycombed? I said "well that's a good thing isn't it", which he said "I cannot tell you when you will die but I can tell you how, "You will inhale the wrong thing, it will go to your lungs and you will die"! Well thank you for the good news. Now remember 5 years was in 2018, my doctor said "You have to quit working", I cleaned houses to supplement my social security, so I quit in December 2018. In January 2019 I heard very clearly God say "I have cut off the source of your attack". Honestly I had no clue what this meant until my next two doctors visits said "we cannot hear the growing of the fibrosis in your lungs"! Catch that, the growth of the fibrosis was cut off; that is what God meant in January 2019. My last visit to my pulmonary doctor revealed my lung condition was the same as in 2018, 49% breathing capacity, yet my oxygen levels were at 97 and 100% and had not been that good in all these years. So I was expected to die by 2018 and here it is 2022 and I am still here. God has kept me and my trust and faith in Him has grown. "But God I believe help my unbelief."

Approximately 2 1/2 years ago which would be I think in 2019, one of my daughters was diagnosed with cancer. A slow growing cancer that was inoperable, and cancer tumors had already manifested itself in several places in her body. She was told she could have 5 years of life, if she took a shot once a month, to slow down the spreading of the cancer. So in faith we pray, her church praying, my church praying, and youngest daughter's church praying. Yet, it is still there, pain continually, faith at times for all of us would waiver, but we refuse to give up on her healing, Jesus has a great plan for her and in the middle of her suffering God is using her. Our faith remains! "God I believe help my unbelief."

Then the unthinkable happened, a mother's worse nightmare. COVID came and my oldest daughter, Angela, got it. On November 23 she entered the hospital, and we believed, we prayed, our church prayed my daughters churches prayed and more churches prayed. We believed, we declared, we rebuked, we trusted, we encouraged each other and tried to encourage Angela. On December 5, 2020, she reluctantly agreed to be put on a ventilator. During this time our prayers increased, I hung onto the hem of Jesus' garment, there were days things appeared to look up, then more days going downhill. Until at 8:05 am on December 26, 2020, my Angela went ahead of me, and ahead of her family to be with Jesus forever and ever. "But God I believed!"

In times since this I have questioned did I not have enough faith to believe for my daughter? Do I not have enough faith to believe for my other daughter? And I have even said, not that long ago, "God why did You let me live just to see Angela die and my other daughter suffer? That's cruel!" This was said in my anguish, and God understood my emotional state at the time I said it. But in love He spoke later that night "If you had not been here, who would Angela have sent a message to over and over that said 'Momma pray for me', or who would have let others know to be praying for her. She needed your messages of hope and prayers. If you were not here who would your daughter on her worse days say 'Momma pray for me' and who would have let others know to be praying for her"? His comforting words helped a lot. Yet, still today, knowing I will not have a premature death, I often ask "Is today the day"! " God I believe help my unbelief"!

So for a mother God has and is bringing me through storms of hurricane proportion, yet, I am still here, declaring it's not about my great faith it's about His great faithfulness! And I often wonder what faith looks like, is it something in our countenance, or is it something so strong in our heart that it just reflects as a peace and joy that is seen. I don't know, but I think I will start looking at people a little more closely in the future.