WHERE'S MY FAITH

 MY TESTIMONY OF GOD'S FAITHFULNESS

IS OUR FAITH VISIBLE TO OTHERS?

Acts 14:8-10 And in Lystra a certain man without strength in his feet was sitting, a cripple from his mother's womb, who had never walked. This man heard Paul speaking, Paul, observing him intently and seeing that he had faith to be healed, said in a loud voice, "Stand up straight on your feet!" And he leaped and walked.

Did you catch it "Paul saw he had faith to be healed", was there something in this man's countenance that revealed his faith, or was this a word of knowledge that God gave Paul at that moment. The scripture doesn't tell us, yet, as I read this account I see both, God knew this man's heart was full of faith, notice the man never asked to be healed, yet, he had faith to believe he could be healed. And as Paul looked at him, God gave Paul the gift to see what He saw.

Mark 2:5 When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven you."

The account of the four friends who removed a portion of a roof to lower their friend down to Jesus. When Jesus looked up He looked into the faces of his four friends and it is recorded "He saw their faith".

Over and over again, Jesus would use these words when speaking about faith, No Faith, Little Faith, Some Faith, Great Faith. What kind of faith do any of us desire? And over and over again, "Your faith has made you whole", "Your faith has healed you", and then Jesus said to the man "Do you believe?" And the man answered "I believe, help my unbelief" and Jesus healed his child. We are also told we are to live by faith, we walk by faith. And Jesus said these words "When the Son of Man returns will He find faith on earth"? What is faith? Hebrews gives us a definition

Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Jesus Christ is the "substance" we put all our faith in. We surrender ALL of ourselves to His Lordship and we trust in Him and His promises He has declared in His word, that tells us no matter what lays ahead that we cannot see, we have this "evidence", Jesus is with us and He has a good plan for our lives, with peace and a hope for our future. All of the things I have written, are only the backdrop for my testimony of God's faithfulness, though I do not understand, this I know my God is Sovereign, always with me and fighting for me. 

WHAT IS GREAT FAITH?

Approximately 8 years ago I made this statement "I want great faith"! It wasn't too long after that I heard my pastor say in a message something like this, "Do you know what it means to have great faith"? "It is through the greatest difficulties in life that our faith grows to a great faith". (Me saying today 2022, great faith will take us through great storms and great battles),  but approximately 8 years ago I was just about to enter, a season of learning that I never expected. And yet, today I continue to say, "I believe help my unbelief". So my friends I have not obtained great faith, but my faith says "God You are able and Your grace is sufficient". Now lets move on.

GOD KEPT ME! 

A short time before I made this statement, I began having swelling in my legs, difficulty in breathing, couldn't do as I once did. At first my doctor thought it was my heart, apparently I didn't do well on the treadmill, but they would soon discover my heart was not the issue. Something was growing in my lungs, it began in the lower right lobe. With tests and a pulmonary doctor, they said I had "Pulmonary Fibrosis", that had a life expectancy of 5 years. So I began to pray and my church prayed with me for healing, in 2015 I heard God say "You will not have a premature death"; yet, it continued to grow covering both lungs. In 2018 my pulmonary doctor couldn't understand why I was still alive and why the scarring on my lungs had not honeycombed? I said "well that's a good thing isn't it", which he said "I cannot tell you when you will die but I can tell you how, "You will inhale the wrong thing, it will go to your lungs and you will die"! Well thank you for the good news. Now remember 5 years was in 2018, my doctor said "You have to quit working", I cleaned houses to supplement my social security, so I quit in December 2018. In January 2019 I heard very clearly God say "I have cut off the source of your attack". Honestly I had no clue what this meant until my next two doctors visits said "we cannot hear the growing of the fibrosis in your lungs"! Catch that, the growth of the fibrosis was cut off; that is what God meant in January 2019. My last visit to my pulmonary doctor revealed my lung condition was the same as in 2018, 49% breathing capacity, yet my oxygen levels were at 97 and 100% and had not been that good in all these years. So I was expected to die by 2018 and here it is 2022 and I am still here. God has kept me and my trust and faith in Him has grown. "But God I believe help my unbelief."

Approximately 2 1/2 years ago which would be I think in 2019, one of my daughters was diagnosed with cancer. A slow growing cancer that was inoperable, and cancer tumors had already manifested itself in several places in her body. She was told she could have 5 years of life, if she took a shot once a month, to slow down the spreading of the cancer. So in faith we pray, her church praying, my church praying, and youngest daughter's church praying. Yet, it is still there, pain continually, faith at times for all of us would waiver, but we refuse to give up on her healing, Jesus has a great plan for her and in the middle of her suffering God is using her. Our faith remains! "God I believe help my unbelief."

Then the unthinkable happened, a mother's worse nightmare. COVID came and my oldest daughter, Angela, got it. On November 23 she entered the hospital, and we believed, we prayed, our church prayed my daughters churches prayed and more churches prayed. We believed, we declared, we rebuked, we trusted, we encouraged each other and tried to encourage Angela. On December 5, 2020, she reluctantly agreed to be put on a ventilator. During this time our prayers increased, I hung onto the hem of Jesus' garment, there were days things appeared to look up, then more days going downhill. Until at 8:05 am on December 26, 2020, my Angela went ahead of me, and ahead of her family to be with Jesus forever and ever. "But God I believed!"

In times since this I have questioned did I not have enough faith to believe for my daughter? Do I not have enough faith to believe for my other daughter? And I have even said, not that long ago, "God why did You let me live just to see Angela die and my other daughter suffer? That's cruel!" This was said in my anguish, and God understood my emotional state at the time I said it. But in love He spoke later that night "If you had not been here, who would Angela have sent a message to over and over that said 'Momma pray for me', or who would have let others know to be praying for her. She needed your messages of hope and prayers. If you were not here who would your daughter on her worse days say 'Momma pray for me' and who would have let others know to be praying for her"? His comforting words helped a lot. Yet, still today, knowing I will not have a premature death, I often ask "Is today the day"! " God I believe help my unbelief"!

So for a mother God has and is bringing me through storms of hurricane proportion, yet, I am still here, declaring it's not about my great faith it's about His great faithfulness! And I often wonder what faith looks like, is it something in our countenance, or is it something so strong in our heart that it just reflects as a peace and joy that is seen. I don't know, but I think I will start looking at people a little more closely in the future.

JUST WALK IN IT

 

Why do I write?

Why do I write? I often wonder what draws me to expressing myself through writing. 

I recall when I was in probably middle school, I decided I would write a romance story and I did. Man I sure would love to have that story today and see what a sixth grader thought romance looked like 😁. I also remember writing little short stories when I was young, especially one time for a school project, on what make believe subject who knows. So now I am thinking, that perhaps God placed the desire to write within me and over time He is now allowing me to use this gift/talent today.

After I became a follower of Jesus Christ, I spent many, many years preparing and teaching lessons. Even in the adult Sunday School class I hated using the written material. And when I taught the children I didn't use prewritten lessons; I wrote my own lessons, in fact unless I recently threw it away, I had several notebooks filled with outlines and activities for each lesson I taught. Once when I took one of those spiritual gifts tests ( or whatever you call it), teaching was my main gift (just a note these can change through the years, as God will use another gift He has given you) and I read one of the characteristics of one with a teacher's gift is they don't want to use someone else's books to teach from they want to write the book. If this is true, this would be me 🥴 (saying that for me I prefer to go straight to God's word and teach it as He reveals His word to me, I will add I learn as God leads through godly pastors He has placed in my life, but they lead me to God's word for revelation, as well as a teacher should). For me I think the greatest thing about sharing Jesus, whether with children or adults is to make it real so that it comes alive for those reading or listening. That comes from an anionting, not from ourselves. 

I laugh because I have many friends who love to read inspirational books and daily devotional books; and me I hate reading those things. I know, I know, I am weird, oh I would love to write a book but I have no desire to read one, GO FIGURE how does that even make any sense at all! 🤔 Now that I have no words of explanation, but perhaps that is why I have never written one.

Approximately 12 years ago my pastor said where we find our passion is where we will find our calling. What are you passionate for? Me, mine has been since my salvation, to share Jesus, in Bible studies, in classes, with children and with adults. My teaching preference was always with the ladies between 40 & 50, yet God would place me with children and senior adults. So I would accept what God had for me, in the time and season I was in. The next thing I was passionate for was sharing the goodness of God in my own personal life, that would be in sharing our on going testimony. Thus we find my life scripture:

Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.

Yet, the one thing, as I have become older, that is the most important passion is:

PRAYER

Prayer is essential in the life of every Christian as well as essential in the corporate church. There is an old saying that goes something like this "A family that prays together stays together", so it is with a church family "A church that prays together stays together"! 

Many Christians think of prayer as being this long lists of petitions, to bring to God. But it is more of a conversation with our Abba Father. Because of the season of my life now, I have multiple  and I mean multiple times throughout the day just to talk to my Father. At times when I awaken at 3 am I start to pray, then as the morning progresses and I wake back up, I tell Him good morning, and I pray throughout the day, always finding a time to just sit in His presence and go into a deeper prayer time. Yet, I also understand this type of prayer life is not accessible for those who work, or have young children at home. But be encouraged if you only find a short time to sit in His presence, do so, because a day and season will come when you will have more time. But we must find a time. When my children were small I would shut my bedroom door and say "This is my time with God" or I spent a lot of time in the bathroom with the door locked 😂. The saddest part about corporate prayer, that I have witnessed at any church I have been to, is when the church calls for us to gather together for corporate prayer, that is the least attended night. Why would you think that is? Every church wants revival yet revival is birthed through prayer. And we wonder why real, genuine revival is not seen in churches. Understand this, these churches that are calling gatherings for so many nights a week "Revival" or having what we know as "Tent Revivals", these are not revivals they are crusades to share the good news of the gospel, and God can take that crusade and turn it into a revival. A revival is for the "church" to draw God's people back to Him to bring us out of our complacency. Out of a revival will come a byproduct of salvation, prodigals coming home, communities being changed etc. Man cannot create a revival, only God can, but we can give an opportunity for revival to come by our prayer life.

Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

Acts 2:42 And they continued steadfastly in the apostles doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers.

(This right here is essential for the church even today)

IN CONCLUSION

I never meant to start teaching something, but apparently I can't help myself. I am also beginning to realize this: God will take what He has planted in us and use us wherever and however He chooses. For me I don't really have a teaching opportunity anymore, but God is creative and He will even use social media to open doors of opportunities to share the good news of who He is. So perhaps if you took the time to read this, you may understand why I write so often and it is so so long. Know this I love you, God has placed you in my life at some point in my journey, some of my friends are from high school, previous churches, church I am in now, family and friends of family and some friends of friends.

May God bless you and may you walk in your gift and calling that God has placed in your life. Just one more thing, we are all born with a God given talent and at our rebirth God will place a spiritual gift or gifts in us these will together operate  for God's kingdom purpose. I did finally learn not that many years ago (maybe 7) my talent was creativity, that is used in multiple ways in my life. To be honest before I learned this I didn't think I had any talent, after all I sure couldn't sing. I encourage you find your talent, we do this by seeking God. Our talents can grow through learning.

Be good and God bless you all. ❤️❤️

I just added this silly poem I wrote in 2015, came up in a Facebook mem

WOULD CHRISTMAS STILL COME?

By the middle of October the stores are aglow,

Getting shelves ready for Christmas you know.

By Thanksgiving it seems I have things in order

The tree, the lights, the tinsel is ready

Come Christmas come!

By December it is done the gifts are all bought and wrapped in paper

I sit back and think will Christmas ever come?

As I pondered the moment I begin to wonder "If all I had done became undone,

Would Christmas still come?"

Thinking these thoughts I remember the reason

The very reason for the season had already come!

That moment in time when heaven touched earth,

The moment when deity took on mankind,

The angels, the tree, the lights and the gifts

Why they are about a Savior who came for me!

I smile as I remember all of the these things,

And realize that nothing I do can ever undo what Jesus has done for me!

MY REDEEMER'S LOVE

 

REDEEMING LOVE

Books have been written titled Redeeming Love, movies have been made; based on the biblical book of Hosea, Hosea was a prophet that God said "Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry and children of harlotry, for the land has committed great harlotry by departing from God." And in obedience Hosea did just that and so begins the account of a marriage and a wife who is unfaithful. The book of  Hosea is not about his love life or Gomer, his wife's. No it's about the love life with God and His people.

You see we all are a recipient of His Redeeming Love. From the moment of our salvation and all that comes after that moment. Most Christians are not always faithful to God and their relationship; there are times we run from our walk with God to seek the pleasures of the world, this is spiritual adultery. We reject God, and we reject Jesus because we don't consecrate our lives to Him. Perhaps we haven't matured enough to understand this, or because of some life experience we become angry with God and decide to walk our own path.

Oh but if it had not been for His Redeeming Love where would we be? For me I truly experienced His Redeeming Love in the very middle of my harlotry.

MY STORY, GOD'S GRACE!

My marriage was a disaster, falling apart after 18 years of marriage, I was now 38 years old. I had surrendered my life to Jesus 11 years earlier. My heart was broken, I felt unloved and destroyed. So I ran from God just like I did when I was 9 years old and my father died. Divorce was unavoidable, because I no longer desired to work at my marriage, instead I began a time of looking for love in all the wrong faces. Truthfully, I wasn't really looking for love, I just wanted to feel pretty and wanted again. But you see I couldn't play the harlot and walk with Jesus, so I stepped out of fellowship and pursued a foreign lifestyle that placed me in all the wrong places, sent me to psychiatric care, and would have taken my life except, God wouldn't let me go. He held on to me even as I wandered deeper and deeper into the world filled with sin. Like the prodigal son, Jesus spoke about, God let me go off, but He kept a watch on me that would not allow me to die. Time passed; 12 years exactly, I had so missed going to worship, but I couldn't because if I did I could not bear the conviction of my sin, so I chose my sin over my God.

Then one day God brought a freshly saved young woman to work where I did. He sit her down near me, and she was so on fire for Jesus, I missed that fire in my life. We became friends, I listened as she talked and I remembered what I had walked away from. So I began my journey back to my Father, feeling unworthy, to even be seen. As I began this journey, that took approximately a year, I began to pray for God to help me, I said "God, how can You still love me after all I have said, all I have done, how can You love me?" And He kept showing me that He did love me, but because I had such a hate for myself I couldn't see it. So one day I cried out "Show me You love me?" I was then 50 years old and I can say with great conviction I am now 74 years old and every single day God has showed me He loves me.

When I truly repented and turned from my sin and ran to Him. All I had done during those years were forgiven and forgotten, wiped clean. But it would take me years to forgive myself and to stop hating myself, for all I had done. But in time I was able to love who I had become, and delight in who I am in Christ. 

In Hosea chapter 6, there is a call to repentance

Hosea 6:1 Come, let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up.

You see in all those 12 years my heart was under great conviction, I was broken spiritually. I was walking in my flesh, seeking after all the wrong things, I was out of fellowship yet God was still protecting me. Many many years passed this time, I saw how things happened by my own hand and even about 10 years ago in a moment if I had not listened to God's voice I would have died. So I asked God "Why did you spare my life, those times?" I heard His voice say "I had something better for you." God will always align His word with scripture:

Jeremiah 29:11-13  For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

GOD'S REDEEMING LOVE;

Not only saved me at 27, but let me go at 38, yet would not let me die, at 50 He met me as I ran to Him, wrapped me in His arms and all of heaven rejoiced that this prodigal daughter had returned to her Father's house.

It is never too late to come home, God is waiting and watching and ready to wrap his arms around you. Such a Redeeming Love!