WHEN A DAUGHTER DIES A MOTHER CRIES

 

PART TWO

GIVE ME UNDERSTANDING!

As I left off in Part One, as soon as the text came in of Angela's passing, disbelief in what had happened, pain, hurt of HOW CAN THIS BE, and yes anger.

I began to cry out to God "You gave me a word and a scripture I have hung on to that word all this time, believing and expecting Angela to live. Where was my daughter's miracle? GIVE ME UNDERSTANDING! YOUR WORD SAYS, YOUR WORD SAYS, GIVE ME UNDERSTANDING, GIVE ME A SCRIPTURE I CAN HOLD ON TO! I had begun to doubt that I even knew God's voice. And I said You said "This is not unto death"! And I heard very clearly "Angela can never die she has eternal life, do you believe this?" I felt like Mary and Martha when their brother died, "If You had been here he wouldn't have died". And me I was saying "It wasn't suppose to end this way". 

More than I was grieving and in our weakness, the enemy began to whisper things to divide the family when  this is when we needed each other more. But things just kept getting worse, offense, assumptions, until even our gathering together for Angela was dissolved. I know forgiveness must come least the root of bitterness set in. I also know that God will need to bring His healing, His grace, His mercy, His love, His restoration into all our lives.

Before Angela died, I was reminded of King David and Bathsheba's baby when he died, I went back to read 2Samuel 12 to refresh my memory. But Angela was going to live not die, so I dismissed the leading. Until somewhere between January 10 and January 16. First let's back up to my need for understanding, i remembered how I prayed when Angela was placed on a ventilator, I prayed 1. For her healing 2. For her to have peace 3. She would have God dreams 4. And Jesus would sit and talk to her. And I knew all of that happened. Then I remembered a conversation Angela and I had on September 29, Angela called me (now that was historic) she said "Momma what will our heavenly bodies be like?" I told her what I had been taught and told her what the scriptures said. Then I sent her a text with the scripture references (that's how I knew the date), she responded to my text with these three words "I can't wait". Anyone who ever talked to Angela the conversation always went to Jesus and His coming again, she would say "I can't wait". Now Angela never expected to die from COVID what she expected was to go in the rapture of the church. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of a recent message, from 2Corinthians 5 it was how we have a yearning a longing to leave this earthly vessel (our earthly bodies) and be in our heavenly home in the presence of Jesus. Angela had this yearning. Remember I asked "Give me understanding and a scripture"? Well I went back to read and verse 8 jumped out to me, "We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord"! I now knew what had happened, understanding and scripture, by the way when I looked at my notes for the dates it said November 1. Both the conversation and the word given had taken place before Angela had gotten sick. You see God always prepares us for what is coming, those curves and bumps in the road. My pastor said Sunday "When we find ourselves in trouble times REMEMBER THE WORD". So the Holy Spirit took me back to remember and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that sometime between 7 & 8am on Saturday, December 26, Jesus showed Angela just a glimpse of heaven and I can almost hear Angela say "Let's Go"!

COME UP OFF THAT GROUND

Back to 2 Samuel 12, for 7 days King David laid on the ground in sack cloth, fasting and praying. Then when word came that his son had died, David got up off the ground, washed himself, put on clean clothes, anointed himself, and went to the Lord's house to worship, then home to eat. When his servants questioned him, he said "I can go to him but he cannot return to me"! There is our example of how to handle grief, we get up off the ground, wash our tears away, walk in our anionting and we go to the Lord's house and we worship. And the last part is a promise for every believer, in Christ when our loved one dies and enters into heaven, we will one day go to them.

Both me and my daughters love praise and worship music. Angela when alone in the car, would have it blasting and since she had a heavy foot anyway she would go a little faster even more. Her story was she was worshipping and praising, a policeman pulled her over. Approached the car and said "ma'am do you realize how fast you were going?" Angela apologizing said "Oh officer I had my worship music going and didn't realize how fast I was going". She later told her sister "He wasn't impressed, he gave me a ticket anyway"! 😂

So Sunday, January 17, we said our goodbyes, we celebrated Angela's life, and we worshipped (so thankful for a church family that loves). And now I smile and at times I cry, because I know where my daughter is and I can't wait to join her and be in the presence of my Jesus.